I Pump-can’t Believe It

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Let me preface this blog by saying the cake I made this weekend did not at all turn out the way I had envisioned and started it, but we’ll just call it a happy accident because after a quick “PIVOT!” a la Ross Geller, it is still a cake, and it is still edible. My oven has been on the fritz for a few weeks…it does this adorable thing where it randomly switches from bake to broil and tries to burn the house down. The oven we ordered to replace it keeps getting delayed, so I spent a solid 30 minutes parked directly in front of my arson-loving oven, watching it like a very hungry hawk, to make sure my cake didn’t get scorched. Watching a cake bake is about as interesting as watching paint dry, but we made it. I thought I had nowhere to go but up, but as I am still recovering from a bout of Covid that got me a few weeks ago, “Covid brain” has since been a real issue. I now regularly confuse TV remotes, lose track of what I’m doing while I’m doing it, and also forget really important steps in cake decorating. As someone who was blessed with a load of smarts, being dumb is just not something I’m comfortable excelling at, so hopefully my fog clears soon and I’m back to being my witty, sarcastic self soon. Until then, I at least have a really delicious cake to cry into.

This very orange, very fall cake is a pumpkin spice cake with pumpkin spice cream cheese frosting. If you’re thinking, “Isn’t that like…a lot of pumpkin spice, even for a basic white girl?” I can tell you I prefer a subtle pumpkin spice flavor, so this isn’t a ‘PSL punched you in the mouth’ situation. It’s a hint of pumpkin spice, or a whisper of Autumn, if you will. It’s a delicious, soft cake with a nice, zippy cream cheese frosting. Did I mention it is only 239 calories a slice for 10 slices total? I know, I’m not pump-kidding you.

This cake is so thick, but surprisingly not dense at all. To make this light, fluffy beauty, I used:

• 1 box Pillsbury gluten free yellow cake
• 3 eggs
• 70 grams (1/3 cup) unsweetened applesauce
• 120 grams (1/2 cup) pure pumpkin
• 1.5 tsp pumpkin spice
• 1 cup of fat free milk

The Pillsbury GF cake mix is my new favorite homie. It bakes well with adaptations and doesn’t go stale in under 24 hours. I mixed all my ingredients together on low for 30 seconds before switching to medium-high on my stand mixer for 2 minutes. I prepared three 6-inch round pans with cooking spray and bake even strips before evenly distributing the batter and baking at 350 for 30 minutes whilst sitting directly on my kitchen floor in front of my oven because I am seriously committed to that cake lyfe. Always let your cakes rest in the pan for 10 minutes before turning out to cool completely on a cooling rack. Level them if needed after they have cooled.

To make the frosting, you need:

• 226 grams (8 ounces ) 1/3 the fat cream cheese, softened
• 282 grams (1 1/4 cups) fat free Greek yogurt, strained overnight
• 16 ounces (4 cups) Lakanto powdered monkfruit sweetener
• 1 tsp clear vanilla extract
• 1/2 tsp pumpkin spice
• 2 TBS fat free milk
• Gel dyes in red, orange, and yellow

Start by mixing cream cheese and yogurt until fully blended, then add in half the monkfruit, vanilla, pumpkin spice, and half the milk. Mix well, then add in remaining monkfruit and milk. Frost your entire cake before you dye any of the frosting. Once you’ve done this, place your cake in the freezer to firm up for 30 minutes and split your remaining frosting into three bowls and dye one bowl red, another orange, and another yellow.

I had originally taken time to make and cut out a cute maple leaf template to use on this cake, applied it, frosted it, and PROMPTLY FORGOT TO FREEZE THE DANG CAKE before removing the template, so the base frosting all ripped off my cake when I removed the template because it was too soft. Instead of crying and throwing in the fall-decor towel (okay, maybe there was still some crying), I decided to just turn it into a watercolor cake even though I absolutely hate the colors orange and yellow. I dotted orange, yellow, and red frosting at random all over the sides of the cake using a few angled spatulas, then took my bench scraper to smooth it out and blend the colors.

I knew it was going to take some glitter for me to at least tolerate looking at this cake, which I’ve named “The Gourd, the Bad, and the Ugly,” so I grabbed my pumpkin cookie cutter and affixed it to the center of the cake top. I used gentle pressure to ensure it was firmly into the frosting, then poured orange glitter into the cookie cutter, using a food-safe paintbrush to push the glitter into the frosting and the nooks and crannies at the top of the cookie cutter. I left this in while I worked on my border. I divided my remaining frosting into three piping bags, each fitted with a 1M tip, I piped a large red star, then a medium-sized orange star on top of this, and a small yellow star on top of that to create my triple layer topper. I repeated this all over the cake and filled in little gaps with small stars in different colors.

I placed my cake in the freezer for 30 minutes to set and firm, then removed the pumpkin cookie cutter to reveal an adorable cake top:

I may hate that the sides of this cake look like the top of a hamburger bun after you’ve spread ketchup and mustard on it, but I love the top…it turned out 100% as I had originally planned, so Covid didn’t take everything from me (just my ability to think rationally and breathe through my nose). Really glad I did NOT lose my sense of taste because this cake is firing on all fall cylinders. The added pumpkin makes the cake so soft, and the small amount of spice gives it a nice, warm flavor without being too much. It makes me so happy that I momentarily forget I’ve gone stupid, so truly, it’s a miracle worker. Take it to your Thanksgiving family dinner, and you won’t have to answer any ridiculous questions or hear about your uncle’s political leanings because everyone will have a mouthful of cake. You’re welcome. Follow me for more hot tips. ‘Til next time, my fellow eaters!

Recipe and Instructions